Getting Bigger

You know your perspective has become skewed when you look at your little baby and talk about how huge she’s getting because she now weighs more than 4 pounds. That’s right, Veronica now tips the scale at a little over 4 pounds — up more than half a pound from her birth weight. And compared to Colin, who is approaching the 2-pound mark, Veronica is a giant.

Veronica and Colin have very little in common, as is evident by their size differences. They keep throwing the doctor off a bit because Veronica “acts” like a 32 week baby (she’s really only 30 weeks 5 days), and Colin “acts” like he is only 28 weeks (beyond the size differences). We’re certainly going to confuse people when both babies are home, at least until Colin catches up: “How did those people get two babies so close in age. They can’t possibly be twins.”

Colin had been doing very well on his feeds until this morning. While I was sitting with him, he spit up. In a normal baby, this wouldn’t be a problem. But because of Colin’s growth restriction, it’s a sign of a problem. Colin’s tummy was also very big, which was making it harder for him to breathe, since his diaphragm was being pushed into his lungs. (I could identify, since the same thing happened to me while I was pregnant.)

So the doctor decided to suspend his feedings for a day, and see how he is doing tomorrow. They just started fortifying Colin’s milk with extra calories, so we’re hoping he just wasn’t responding well to the extra calories. A less encouraging possibility is that Colin is developing an infection — his biggest risk at this stage in the game. To check against that possibility, they are testing his stool for bacteria and have done x-rays to make sure everything internally looks okay. We’ll find out more tomorrow.

Colin’s other main problem is the lack of progress we are making in getting him weaned off the respirator. At the rate we are progressing now, the doctor estimates it will be at least another 14 days before he is ready to come off it. So now we are looking at putting him on steroids to help speed up that process.

Unfortunately, like so many decisions we have had to make about Colin already in his short life, this is not an easy decision. The steroids increase the risk of problems with neural development, meaning an increased risk of some sort of developmental delays or damage. However, staying on the ventilator increases Colin’s risk of lung damage, and could also cause problems with neural development.

When we were discussing the possibility this morning, the doctor told us that in their experience at Illinois Masonic, they have found the risks are highest for babies given the steroids in the first two weeks of life. Since Colin will be three weeks old on Friday, if we choose to follow the medication route, waiting until next week to move forward should greatly reduce the risk of problems. But still … there are no guarantees.

So once again, we are left trying to peer into the future and decide which path will give Colin the best overall outcome for a healthy, normal life, which is no easy task. Nor is it a position I ever wanted to be put in, playing God with my child’s future. (Although I suppose we do that in small ways every day with the decisions we make. It’s just this time, someone is outlining the potential consequences for us.)

Right now, however, I’m feeling optimistic about both Colin’s eating problem and the future in general. Who knows how I’ll feel when I wake up tomorrow, but I do find having a positive outlook generally comes in handy.

Tomorrow, I promise, I will get the new photos downloaded from the camera and posted for everyone to see.